Call 911. Call CSI: L.A.
Something's killing our teams.
Not that we don't appreciate the L.A. Kings and L.A. Galaxy winning championships in hockey and soccer the way they have. I like hockey. I like soccer. I just don't get a lot of texts that go, "Wow, L.A. sure does have big-name hockey stars!" Or: "Whoa, I've got Galaxy fever!"
We've seen our more famous teams go from good to bad.
USC football finally got off NCAA probation, had star quarterback Matt Barkley back, was ranked No. 1 in the nation in a preseason poll -- then went 7-6, embarrassed itself in a bowl game and saw Barkley disappear on NFL Draft Day.
UCLA basketball christened a remodeled arena, brought in blue-chip recruit Shabazz Muhammad, looked OK -- then lost by 20 points in the NCAA tournament to Minnesota and fired the coach.
Things turned so dark, we even turned our dials to America's Funniest Home Basketball Team -- yep, the L.A. Clippers -- to save our city.
I mean, come on. Expecting a championship from the Clippers is like expecting Mark Zuckerberg to end up on a 10 Best-Dressed List.
But there they were, L.A.'s new darlings, winning 16 games in a row, dunking and funking, popularizing the cool name "Lob City," doing TV ads for cars and stuff, having a 50-win season for the first time, winning the NBA's Pacific Division for the first time, winning two playoff games -- mmmm, kiss my red Clips, baby!
Then they blew Games 3, 4, 5 and 6 and kissed off the whole year.
Well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, as Kelly Clarkson likes to scream on iTunes.
OK, so David Beckham doesn't want to kick soccer balls for us anymore. OK, so the NFL still won't give us a team. OK, so the Hollywood Park horse-race track is shutting down for good.
We will survive.
Besides, baseball season's still early. I wouldn't count out those Dodgers or Angels of ours just yet. They've got time. They've got talent. They've got $$$. If u think they stink, hey, go text yourself.
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