What makes a classic dive bar?
Is it the sticky floors or the peanut shells?
The killer juke box?
The heady aroma of stale beer and the haze of a million cigarettes? (In some states, anyway.)
These are all things that are worth debating, and we welcome you to disagree with the picks below.
The definition we decided on includes decades of history and everything from octogenarian bartenders and surly bouncers to pooping chickens and giggling ghosts.
Most of all, these are neighborhood standbys, the places you go because you know what you're going to get, and more importantly, what you're not going to get.
Like website marketing or a Facebook site, which is why you won't see a lot of links below.
Everyone has a different level of tolerance when it comes to dives.
But if genuine character is what you seek, then these nine neighborhood joints won't disappoint.
Jimmy's Corner, New York
Years before the Disneyfication of Times Square, owner and former boxer Jimmy Glenn was slinging $4 beers and swapping fighting tales at this New York institution.
He still does today, in his 80s.
The jukebox is a time warp, too: Frank Sinatra, Duke Ellington, Count Basie and Nat King Cole reign supreme. Listen long enough and you'll become a regular.
Jimmy's Corner, 140 W. 44th St., New York; + 1 212 221 9510; open daily 10 a.m.-4 a.m.
Ginny's Little Longhorn Saloon, Austin, Texas
Nothing says Texas like a live country band and a game of Chicken S--- Bingo.
Every Sunday proprietor Ginny Kalmbach plops a chicken down on a plywood bingo board. If the bird poops on your number, you win the money in the pot -- plenty for a healthy round of $2 Lone Stars.
The scene might appear a little rough, but the patrons are affable and accustomed to following Ginny's posted rules: "No Cussin', No Fussin', No Hasslin', No Wrasslin'!"
Ginny's Little Longhorn Saloon, 5434 Burnet Road, Austin, Texas; + 1 512 458 1813; Tuesday 5 p.m.-midnight, Wednesday-Saturday 5 p.m.-1 a.m., Sunday 2-8 p.m.
Zeitgeist, San Francisco
It's hipsters and yuppies versus bike messengers and Harley bros at this San Francisco beer haven with more than 40 brews on tap.
The bloody Mary is praised as the best in the city, if you can manage to grab the attention of an ornery and well-inked bartender.
Didn't get what you ordered? Do not under any circumstances complain. Just drink it and like it.
The outdoor beer garden with picnic tables makes all that gruffness worth it. Although the garden's infamous portable toilets have been replaced with real restrooms, the Zeitgeist still maintains plenty of gritty charm.